It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
