I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
