And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
