I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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