dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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