i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
