don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
