Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
