i think i have two assholes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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