Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
did i walk over a car last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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