rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
