you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
