I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We just shotgunned beers for America
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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