we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
