I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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