Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
worst night to have a conscience
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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