After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
