OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I deserve this hangover.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
