I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize