good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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