its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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