Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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