i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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