You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
