so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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