somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i drank out of a bidet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
