ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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