I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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