Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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