I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
