"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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