You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found your dick twin last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
