oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
