a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
