I want to stick my p in your. b.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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