I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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