My room smells like vodka and shame
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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