called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
