Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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