I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize