Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
