thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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