I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
