he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
