Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
