she was so not down for the gang bang
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
