God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
