i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
