hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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