Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
