five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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