Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
