i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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