yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
