she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
