I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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