just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
