don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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