He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
