Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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