no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
