drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize