i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
