Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
