Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
