There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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