I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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