dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
