the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
