Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
