All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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