Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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