i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
