was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
