Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
