Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
