I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize