it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
