Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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