I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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