Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
