I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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