goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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