If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
