i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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