I skipped work to stalk him.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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