Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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