I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
