I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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