ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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