I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
