just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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