help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize