i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
