Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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