you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
