she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
