went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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