i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
