dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize