i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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