I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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