apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
