Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
