carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
