weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
