How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
