When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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