I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
