i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am available for nakedness
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
